I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is my gift to your gina
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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