If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
