trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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