Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
