what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
