When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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