Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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