nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im part way to drunk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
