I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
