i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
