We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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