Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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