just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Couch. On fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
