i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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