fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
