my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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