What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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