Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
