I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
