Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
