Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Boobs speak an international language.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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