i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
