I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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