I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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