can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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