smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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