Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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