My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
