He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
