so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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