"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize