i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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