so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
