you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
