so explain again why im purple
no
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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