yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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