I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
