I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
