We won't sleep together?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
