Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
