i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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