mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
