Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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