Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
