Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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