she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
