I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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