Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
