the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
