were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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