I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Rumble strips road head = magical
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
