If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
