god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
