she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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