they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
