Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Found your dick twin last night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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