I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
MIDGETS
????
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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