All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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