nut hugger
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
