guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
