Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
