She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
