Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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