And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
