i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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