im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
