Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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