i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
