Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
