There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
