just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
