just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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