She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm at about main and main street
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
